Disclaimer: This is not a pregnancy announcement. I am not trying to get pregnant, and to my knowledge, am not pregnant now.
Sometimes I’m not sure I’ll ever feel ready to be a mom. And for all you parents out there who are ready to jump in with a “But you never feel ready!” comment, save it. I know all the reassuring words you’ll say to convince me I should procreate this very second. Let this childless lady express herself for a second.
When I look in the mirror, all I see is a child staring back at me. I have a young heart. It’s why I get along with children so well. I think it’s why they like me. I enjoy running with them. I like dreaming with them and playing pretend and wrestling and dancing and being loud with them. This heart is probably why my 8-year-old niece told me she knew I would make a good mom (yes, my heart almost burst when she said it). But all I see in the mirror is not a mature, responsible adult who can keep children alive and happy, but a pretender. Wendy Darling trying to care for Lost Boys when she’s just as lost herself.
I’ve been a wife for five years. It’s natural that future possibilities of parenthood is on my mind and a common conversation at our table. But when I look in the mirror I don’t see a self-assured, responsible adult. I see a scrappy, gangly girl who cusses too much and tells dirty jokes. I’m not sure that’s the kind of stuff the best moms are made of.
But, of course, that’s how most moms feel before they become moms, and then it happens, and they’re moms whether they are ready or not because no one is perfect. And that’s probably what will happen to me some day.